Hi guys.
Well, I wish I had good news to report..but I don’t 😦 This is going to be a not so happy post today, & I’m apologizing up front. But I just need to get some stuff off my mind.
I didn’t pass my test today- I missed it by 2%…YES 2% 😦 UHHH. Totally sucks. There were some questions on there that I seriously have NEVER seen before- like in my instruction book…but it’s just REALLY frustrating that it was a measly 2%. Thankfully I can re-take it, as many times as needed, but I really wanted to pass it on the first try.

Added to this…I have been feeling like crap about my body. I know it’s bad, but I just have to let it out. It’s not like I’ve been eating tons of bad foods or not exercising..or any of that. I’ve been doing the same thing, I just feel REALLY crappy lately about myself. I feel like I weigh a million pounds..ok ok, maybe not a million, but I feel like I’ve gained about 10lbs. (even though it’s not true, just feels like it) And, NO I’m not even on my ‘girl time’ – that’s not until next week. I’ve been having some stomach issues lately too & that’s not helping. Just some stuff to do with Crohn’s..I think.

It’s just not been a good week for me- especially in the body image area. What do you do when you feel like this? I just need something to get all of this off my mind. I’ve also just had some other issues come up that I was dealing with last week..and they have shown themselves again- today & RIGHT before I left to take my test- it was an email I received. 😦 Grr!

Anyways, on to this morning. I got up early to get a good workout in before my exam- thought I could ‘get pumped’ for it. So much for that. I did my Biceps/ Triceps workout, but I increased the weight this time.

Exercise Reps Weight
Barbell Curls Lying Against Incline Bench 3 x 12 300lb. 
Bench Dips 3 x 12 body wt
Cable Hammer Curls (use rope) 3 x 12 50lb. 
Tricep Push Downs (use straight bar) 3 x 12 40lb. 
Close Grip EZ Bar Curl 3 x 12 20lb. 
Tricep Extensions 3 x 12 25lb. Wt
Preacher Curls 3 x 12 20lb. 
Barbell Skull Crushers (use EZ bar) 3x 12 20lb. 
Cross Body Hammer Curls 3 x 12 (each arm) 15lb. Each
Tricep Kickbacks 3x 12 7.5lb. Each
Lift From Sides Dumbbell Curls 3 x 12 (each arm) 7.5lb. Each
90 degree tricep cable pulls 3 x12 20lb. 

21s                                                                          3 x 12                       20lb. barbell
French Bar Press                                                 3x 12                         20lb. barbell

After the weight workout, I did 5 minutes on the Arc Trainer.

Total time: 50 minutes, Calories burned: 223, Max HR: 144; Avg HR: 111

For breakfast I decided to grab a breakfast cookie, since I did make it last night. I was actually craving some egg whites & toast, but I didn’t have time to make them & I wasn’t sure how to microwave them. If you have microwaved eggs, how long do you cook them for?

breakfast cookie

And some coffee:

After I ate breakfast, I continued to study for my test.
Then I had some lunch before I left- the usual- yogurt mess + watermelon

On to other news, I found this article the other day about Late Night Cravings. It discusses the best snack foods & the worst. Here are some of the tips:

Hydrate Before All Else
Before you raid the refrigerator, make sure that hunger is really what’s behind your mania to munch. “Dehydration is often mistaken for hunger,” says Stella Metsovas, a certified nutritionist in Laguna Beach, Calif. “Make sure to drink at least two cups of water before consuming any snack.” Afterwards, you may be able to return to bed completely satisfied without eating a thing.
Eat Like a Bunny
If you’re in the mood for something yummy, celery or carrot sticks dipped in hummus are healthy and high in fiber. These crispy treats will also fill you up quickly due to their high water content. And with only a dab of hummus on each stick, you need not worry about consuming too many calories.
Embrace Carbs
Insomniacs take note: Starchy carbs can help you drift into a peaceful slumber. Carbs with a high glycemic index, such as steamed rice, a baked potato or whole wheat toasted English muffin, may hasten sleep by quickly raising your blood sugar. Research also suggests that starchy carbs eaten before bedtime may also raise blood levels of tryptophan, an amino acid, and the neurotransmitter serotonin, sleep aids. With your mind and belly at rest, you’ll be able to quit tossing and wake up refreshed for the next morning.

Satisfy Your Sweet Tooth
If you’ve got a penchant for all-things-sweet, the light of the moon may find you reaching into the cookie jar for some sugary relief. Discounting chocolate (because it contains caffeine), O’Neil suggests going for dried fruits, such as prunes. “Their natural sweetness will tame your bedtime sweet tooth, and the fiber, potassium and magnesium will gently aid your digestive health.”

Go Nuts
Did you know that those little unsalted almonds offer huge rewards? This nutty snack is full of magnesium and B vitamins, both which help promote the production of a relaxing neurotransmitter, called serotonin. Not only will you cut stress, but you won’t stress over the calories. Twenty-two whole almonds only equals about 100 calories.

Stir It Up
If you’re not too bleary-eyed, whip out the blender and make yourself “a whey-based smoothie of whey protein powder and low-cal almond milk,” says Metsovas. This snack will not only quench both your thirst and fill your growling belly, it will provide you with an important dose of protein. It’s not exactly toning-while-you-sleep, but it’s close.

Act Like a Kid
Another liquid snack option is a glass of non-fat milk, sans the cookies. “A glass of milk can help you sleep better because of the calcium content — which relaxes muscles — and increases the amount of tryptophan in the blood, which helps promote sleepiness,” says O’Neil. For a feeling of nostalgia, drink a glass of warm milk, just like your mom and dad gave you before bedtime.

Pinch of Protein
While you’re advised to avoid downing a large fatty steak in the wee hours, foods containing protein are great filler-uppers. Calorie-for-calorie, protein makes a person feel more full than carbohydrates or fats. Plus, researchers report that consuming nearly a third of daily calories as lean protein revs a person’s metabolism during sleep. Lean turkey, low-fat cheese or even an egg white omelet can be satisfying.

Bad Choice #1: High Fat
“Certain foods are really bad choices at midnight,” according to O’Neil, pointing to “anything containing sugar, caffeine and a high fat content.” It’s not the speed or calories, necessarily. It’s their ability to cause indigestion. While we’re on the topic, stay clear of fried or too-spicy treats.

Bad Choice #2: Sugary Treats
If you’re having issues dozing off, you may be suffering from elevated levels of stress hormones called cortisol. “Your body will naturally crave quick-energy foods, like cookies and cereal,” says Metasovas. “Stay away from these foods at all costs.” Consuming these turbo snacks will push your levels of cortisol through the roof, which could keep you tossing and turning until sunrise.

Bad Choice #3: High Energy Drinks
Coffee and energy drinks may be tempting when you have a deadline to meet, but it’s best to steer clear of these jitter-bugs when there are healthier options. Surprisingly, a salad of dark greens or strawberries and oranges may give you the energy you need to persevere through the night. Their complex carbs provide a slower, steady release of energy. Plus, they’re full of folate, which is good for the brain.

Now, I’m a sucker for frozen yogurt before bed. I just LOVE it…although it doesn’t love me- always seems to hurt my tummy…but I just can’t give it up.
Look at what other article I found– The Not-So-Sweet Truth About Aspartame (the artificial sugar). I thought this was PERFECT since I just talked about it yesterday.
Here are my favorite points:

“Artificial sweeteners like aspartame can indeed cause digestive distress (bloating, diuretic effects, diarrhea, etc.). Bottom line: It’s still an artificially/chemically processed item.”

If a product is labeled “sugar free,” “no sugar added” or “light,” it most likely contains aspartame or some type of artificial sweetener. While Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi are obvious culptrits, you may be surprised that some seemingly healthy foods, like most nonfat, flavored yogurts(including some varieties of Dannon’s Light & Fit), contain aspartame.

“Research is now indicating that sweeteners may actually cause people to gain weight because of a negative metabolic response,” says Lippert. “They can also increase sweet cravings and alter our taste buds in terms of our ‘threshold’ for sweetness. Aspartame is 200 times sweeter than sugar, and Splenda is 600 times sweeter.” HOLY COW!!!! That is CRAZY- 600x sweeter??!?!

“Switch to natural sources of sweetness — fresh fruit, honey, sugar in the raw, agave nectar.”

I will definitely be doing somemore research on all of these information regarding artificial sweetners. I find it interesting & I would like to read about the replacements for them as well.

This afternoon I did another workout- I figured it would help my mood. I was just kind of dumpy. So I figured, Let the Endorphins flow!!

I started out on the treadmill:
Minutes                         Speed
0- 2                                  3.7
2-3                                   6.0
3-4                                   6.3
4-5                                   6.6
5-6                                   6.9
6-7                                   7.2
7-8                                   7.5
8-9                                   7.8
9-10                                 8.1
10-11                               8.4
11-12                               8.7
I then repeated minutes 2- 12, so that I did the running part twice.
Then I ran for 3 minutes (to reach 3 miles) @ 6.0
Total running time: 28 minutes

Then I did 15 minutes on the elliptical- 20 crossramp, 5 resistance

Then some abs:
2 sets of 25 Bosu ball crunches by pulling weight behind my head (30lb)
3 sets of 12 Hanging Abs
3 sets of 12 Ab exercises on machine (w/ 70lb. weight)
2 sets of 25 Ab exercises on machines (w/ 50lb. weight)

Total time at gym: 53 minutes; calories burned: 393; Max HR: 187; Avg HR: 147

I really was NOT in the mood to cook dinner, but I also didn’t want to have to run out & get something..so I went with something quick & healthy. I got this off of Erin’s Food Files

Tuna and White Bean Salad


2 6oz cans of tuna, drained – I used water packed
1 15oz can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed (I used Great Northern beans)
1 12oz jar roasted red peppers, drained and roughly chopped
2 Tablespoons capers
zest 1 lemon, grated
1 tomato, roughly chopped (optional)
3 Tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 Tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil Did not use
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
toasted bread, for serving (I used Sandwich Thins)

the needed supplies

chopped roasted red pepper


In a large bowl, combine the tuna, beans, red peppers, capers, lemon zest, and tomato (if using).

In a separate bowl, whisk together the lemon juice, oil, salt, and black pepper.

Pour the vinaigrette over the tuna mixture and toss. Serve with the bread.

& the salad is done!

On the side: Roasted Garlic Grains

And for good measure, some leftover broccoli from last night..

broccoli + open faced sandwich

my plate

Ok, guys, I’m off to bed. Had to get my dose of Big Brother in for the night, now ready to get some sleep. Sorry for the depressing post, I promise to better in a better mood tomorrow.

Hope you have a good night&  a Happy Thursday morning! 😀

Leave a comment


  1. Melissa Wen

     /  July 14, 2010

    Don’t get down on yourself! I know the feeling of ‘invisible’ weight gain, but thankfully it’s something that no one else can see 🙂 When I feel like that I try to get out of the house and meet up with friends… being around with people who love you can really cheer you up. Basically, I welcome distractions… the more I think about my body, the more it bothers me!
    I’m sorry to hear about your test 😦 I hope you have an easy end of the week/weekend coming up to get these things off your mind!

  2. Jae

     /  July 14, 2010

    Hi Holly, Im a relatively new reader so dont be freaked when you see my name in the comments section okay?:)
    1. I think it’s fate that you talk about your insecurities with your body weight today, because I havent been feeling so hot myself. I just wanted to let you know that I look up to people like you who exercise well and eat well. I suffer from disordered eating and get seriously jealous about how you guys are able to pick up the pieces and actually LIVE to Eat. So, chin up 🙂 You’re in a healthy spot and I love your eats! They’re so healthy and look yummy 🙂

    2. I was just wondering about the effects of late night eating right now :)!! Thank you!

  3. So sorry to hear about the test. That stinks. I’m sure that’s not helping your mood either. We ALL go through down times when we’re just down on ourselves and everything else. My Mon and Tues were major blue days. I even left work for a few hours to regroup.

    What helps me is to focus on the positive things. There are so many more than you realize when you stop and take the time to count them up and even write them down. Cheesy??? Maybe, but it helps.

    Also, don’t fall off from your routine. Sticking to your routine will help keep you on track – or it helps me. But you have to lose the negative self-talk. Let it go. It does no good. The second you start to point out a flaw, find something you like: your hair, your smile, the fact that you are capable of even working out period, etc.

  4. I know that I increase my fat talk or feeling bad about myself when I get stressed or disappointed.

    It’s like it’s easier to feel bad about myself and put myself down that focus on the things I dont want to focus on–like failing your test.

    So maybe the stress of the test has caused you to take some of that on on how you feel about your body.

  5. I’m sorry to hear about the test 😦 You’ll nail it next time!
    Those are some great tips for late night hunger! Thanks for sharing!
    Pug Hugs!!!

  6. I know what it’s like to be in both situations… not passing an exam (i didn’t pass my nursing boards the first time around.. it was 250 dollars for the test..and months of studying.. but i passed the 2nd time!…But i know how hard that is!)

    and the ‘feeling like you gained 10 lbs’ feeling! I have that feeling from time to time as well! I really know that it’s a lie though and that it goes back to the lod ‘ed’ mindset…so i DONT let my mind go there when it tries to! 🙂

    I know..easier said than done..but i try and realize that i am far more than just a ‘weight’ i am filled with talent, love, compassion, and many other things that people see in me (more than my weight!)

    that just helps me focus on my true beauty and worth rather than the ‘few’ lbs that usually aren’t even there! 🙂


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