No More Lying.

Good Morning! Happy Thursday!!

You know what Thursday means for me… but at least it’s quick! And there is a NEW ‘The Office’ on tonight to look forward too- WOOHOO ๐Ÿ˜€

So, I’m going to give you a warning before you start reading this, but there are a LOT of words in this post, and not many pictures. I have a lot to say! Just wanted to tell you, that way if you don’t feel like reading all of it you can just pass on this post..I will understand- I promise ๐Ÿ™‚

For the last couple of months I have been doing double workouts Monday thru Thursday..and sometimes not taking a rest day. You can see in my ‘daily workouts’ tab what kind of workouts I have been doing each day…and these are pretty tough workouts twice a day.

Initially when I first started doing these twice a day workouts I told myself it was to ‘up my miles’ for an upcoming race. Ok, well, that was a lie. First of all, I do not have any races coming up. The next race I will run will probably not be until around October. October, which is what like 6 months away?! Am I really trying to ‘up my miles’ for a race that’s 6 months away? I think not.

At first I was just running when I was doing my 2nd workout…but that slowly progressed into more. Not only was I running, but I was sometimes doing 2 HIIT workouts a day & then also strength training twice a day. Now, I don’t know about you, but after an HIIT workout I am pretty dead…and that’s how it’s supposed to be! You want to feelย like you got an AWESOME cardio workout!

When I first started doing these, I told myself that it was good for me- that it would make me so much more healthier & fit. That I would be a muscle machine. …kind of like wonder woman.

I could not of been more wrong. About a few weeks into my double workouts, I started feeling so tired & just worn out. I told myself that I just needed more sleep..that I was not getting enough sleep because I was waking up about every hour & then staying awake for at least an hour each night. (Come to find out..that’s what happens when you over train)

I also was feeling OBLIGATED to do two workouts each day. No longer was I enjoying it, but it was a MUST. Once I realized this was happening, I said that I would only workout twice a day if I felt like it..and I wanted to. Another lie. That lasted for a day. Yes, you read that right- A DAY.

This cycle continued for about two months…two a day hard core workouts. Then I started to feel it & I KNEW something was wrong. Like I said, I was EXHAUSTED all of the time. I could not sleep properly. I was just kind of crabby & who wants to be around that?! I felt such a strong obligation to my double workouts that I would let them get in the way of other things- since I was doing my second one on my lunch break, sometimes I would skip running necessary errands so thatย I could workout…then I would have to run them after work or a TON on the weekend. (when I could of been spending time with Craig or my friends)

On Sunday I was thinking about everything. Why was I doing this to myself?! Why?! What was the purpose? I do not need to lose weight, I am not a professional athlete….I really had no answer for myself. It all reverted back to my old thinking of when I was going through treatment for anorexia. I just get SO CAUGHT up in calories, weight, working out, and how I look. It’s pretty sad honestly, but sometimes I have a really hard time battling it. The thing is that I HAVE to recognize it. I never, ever want to go back through what I went through. It was a BATTLE!

The thing is with anorexia isย thatย you are always anorexic. You might not look like it & people might never know that you dealt with it (unless you tell them), but you always have that mindset. You can deny it as much as you want, but you will always have those battles in your head. Yes, you can block them, you can ignore them & you can fight them…but they will always be there.

Once I get something in my mind, it is stuck there for a while. So when I had this idea that working out twice a day was the way to go, then that is what I forced myself to believe. But my body told me otherwise. It’s almost like it revolted against me…it was trying to show me what I was doing was NOT GOOD…it was the opposite of what I was saying I was trying to be- I was claiming ‘to be so healthy,’ but in fact I was hurting my body.

You know what else is weird? As much as I had heard that if you over exercise, you body will HOLD ONTO EVERY ounce of food that you give it. So you will be in shock when you look at the scaleย & you notice that you have actually GAINED weight rather than lost it, even though you are working out twice a day. I could never get over that! It was so frustrating too! Even in these past couple of days where I have not worked out twice a day, my body has lost that extra weight that it was hanging on to. I’m back to my regular weight..and even a bit less. (Not that I’m trying to lose weight, it was just crazy how this happened) Your body know how hard you are pushing it, so it’s holding on to EVERYTHING!

I was always sore, I felt fatigued, sometimes I felt dizzy & absent minded. If you Google the term ‘over exercising’ you will see that almost all of these ‘symptoms’ are true of exactly what I was feeling. I was OVER exercising. I was trying to cover it up as a way to ‘up my miles.’

On top of all of it, I have been having a LOT of issues with my Crohn’s disease. It has been REALLY REALLY bad lately, even with the upped medication of the Humira & the added daily pills. That made me think about everything too. I honestly believe that my increased issues with the Crohn’s disease is due to how much I was exercising. I was hurting my body. I was putting so much stress on it, that it just didn’t know what to do. The LAST thing a person with Crohn’s disease needs is added stress to your body.

All of this is to say that I have learned my lesson. I am sticking to it. Once I do pick out a marathon to run, then yes, I obviously will be picking up the amount of miles that I run a week..and yes, I might even be doing two runs a day (because it’s hard to run 15 + miles in the morning before work) BUT I will also be taking care of my body & giving it adequate REST when it needs it. I will LISTEN to it. I will EAT the proper amount of calories to FUEL my body. I will NOT abuse it!

You only get ONE body. That’s it. Just ONE. I do not want to harm it…that’s the last thing I want to do. I want to take the BEST care of my body that I can. I want to be HEALTHY!! & I mean REALLY healthy…not just SAY I’m healthy…but rather ACT on it.

Have you ever dealt with over exercising? How did you deal with it? What made you realize what you were doing was not good for your body?

Are you still over exercising? Do you have any of the symptoms associated with it? If you need to talk to someone, please feel free to email me– hollymolly1986 (at) aol (dot) com.

What is your favorite way to live healthy?

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29 Comments

  1. Holly, you are such an amazing woman!! It really takes a strong person to realize that you had a problem and to take the necessary steps to try and remedy it. I know you can get through this – and we are all here to help you do it!

    Reply
  2. Thanks for sharing, Holly! I have totally been there ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m not sure I document it perfectly on my workout tab, because I forget sometimes, but I too exercise twice a day every now and then. I have definitely gone through times when I’m over-exercising. When I trained for the marathon, I’d often run in the morning and do some sort of other workout after work. While I really enjoyed the marathon, by the time it was all over, I was EXHAUSTED. However, I definitely was fueling my body properly to support this exercise. Truthfully, I still struggle with over-exercise some days. I love to workout because it makes me feel empowered so sometimes I just want that feeling twice a day! But what’s helped me is the realization that I can’t achieve other goals in my life if I’m ALWAYS working out.

    As for marathon training, most plans have you running 10 miles, at the most before work. The long runs are on the weekend. So I think you should be able to run just once a day, but some people like to split it up.

    It’s great that you’re realizing you need to change. I’m sure you’ll stick to it! But I’ve definitely been there and completely understand the way you just sort of fall into this working out too much routine. Thanks for sharing. Good to know I’m not alone!

    Reply
    • It is a hard thing to break- but I’m glad that you do fuel properly- SO important!!
      I love working out too- I’m the same way- I love the feeling & the endorphins…but I just know that I always over do it. It’s like I start thinking good things about it initially, but then I take it to a whole new level. But I have to stop…
      & I’m here for you too- we can have each others’ backs!!

      Reply
  3. Holly thank you for being so honest!! I hope you can pull through this struggle and change your habits. I’m glad you noticed it without getting too far into the craziness ๐Ÿ™‚

    You are beautiful and you need to take care of yourself!

    Reply
  4. Aw, I love you, Holls! Such an honest post. Although I’ve never battled it myself, I’ve seen (too many!!!!) friends deal with it abd you are completely right. You are NEVER over it, because it’s mental. Realzing it and writing about it and talking about it is a great first step. I think you need to stick to it this time! You are young, beautiful, and healthy… don’t abuse that body!!! Use the extra time to hang with your fiance and family!!! xoxo

    Reply
  5. Love your honesty. Thank you for that. And I’m so glad you finally admitted to yourself what you were doing. It’s really really hard and such a mental game. I have been there with the over exercising – overtraining syndrome as a matter of fact. It was 1.5 yrs ago. It was awful, but I couldn’t seem to stop. I would even start crying during workouts – no joke. Once I finally got over my mental issues with working out, then everything clicked into place again. Jason actually bought me a HR monitor to show me what I was doing.

    I was only ever counting cardio as a workout. So I might do an hour of weights, but not count that so I’d do another 30-60 mins of cardio AFTER weights. Once I stopped thinking in terms of cardio vs weight training, it’s like the light bulb went off. And the crazy thing is, I wasn’t really concerned about food or losing weight. I just had it stuck in my head that I had to do x number of hours of cardio. Period.

    So a big virtual hug to you. You know you can always email me if you need to talk as well.

    Reply
    • That is what I would do too!!! I would just say, ok, well, I’ll do a light cardio workout in the morning + weight training & then I’ll do a hard core cardio workout in the afternoon…bad idea. I’m the same- I need a certain number of minutes working out to feel like I had a ‘good workout’- how silly! Every work out is different..and it’s supposed to be that way!!
      Thank you for the hug!! xoxo

      Reply
  6. Oh Holly. I knew this was the case when you started doing this and you mentioned it on the blog (because you’ve done it before on the blog and have gone through this whole thing before). I tried to warn you, but I know that kind of stuff never works until you actually realize it for yourself.

    I hope that next time you get the urge to do double workouts (because itll happen—heck I still get the urge to do that) that youll just automatically know to put the thought out of your head and stick to one workout a day with lots of nice rest.

    Love you girl and BE HEALTHY ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
    • I know…I hate it. I feel like I go in cycles. I hate that I keep doing it. I need to STOP. This is a must. I don’t know why I feel the urge to keep doing it. BUT I am sticking to it. I’m holding myself accountable.

      Love you too ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
    • Ok so I just got to thinking about my comment–I hope it didnt sound bad :(. I just knew this was going on the moment you started doing this but like you said–you had convinced yourself it was ok. Next time you bring this up Im going to virtually smack you over computer-land and tell you NO because you know better! ๐Ÿ™‚ haha. Get healthy and rested up for that wedding my friend! LOVE YOU!

      Reply
  7. Thank you for sharing, Holly! I have definitely been there — I think I told you about how last summer I was doing cardio 2x a day and lifting once a day? Yeahhh, that did not last too long and I’m lucky my body knocked my legs out from under me before I could do any serious damage. Even now I fight the temptation to do boatloads of cardio — as you know I’m bulking and seeing the number on the scale go up, and feeling that I am gaining a little bit of fat is really really hard to cope with and do nothing about. But then I have to remind myself — the point of this all is to gain!

    If you ever need to talk you know where I am ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
    • Thanks Sable! Yes, I do remember talking about this with you before. I’m glad I’m not alone. But, I’m glad you realized that it’s just not practical either- and it’s SO hard on your body!
      & girl, you are lookin’ GREAT!!

      Reply
  8. Wow Holly-actually this is exactly what happened to me with swimming and running. I gained 10 solid pounds because my body was screaming for more food. Basically-I ran and swam every single day and it ended up being running 50 miles and swimming 12 hours weekly and I could not get enough food.

    Great post girl.

    Reply
  9. Thanks far sharing sweet girl. That took a lot of courage. I am glad you recognized it and saw what was happening. You are such a strong person and I am so glad you recognized the pattern and are able to break it.

    Reply
  10. Oh Holly, you know I can completely relate to this. The part you wrote about anorexia always being with you is so so true. You’re right, you can mask it, recover from it, fight the demons and voices that rear their ugly heads, but they really are always there.
    However, recognizing that this is the old ways that are creeping into your thoughts is the only way to fight them and remember that you truly do not want to return to their dark, depressing, stressful, isolating part of your life once again.
    Besides being in control, was there anything actually good about constantly feeling tired, people being concerned for your life, never ever enjoying a favorite food or meal? Yes, you were able to temporarily quell your anxiety and the underlying emotions, but they would return and you would be left in even worse physical and mental shape. When anorexia is present you are unable to enjoy the family and friends around you because you are obsessing about the calories you had eaten that day, or how you felt the need to restrict for whatever reason.
    Over exercising is just another way you are fueling the anorexia. Although you may be eating enough, your mindset is focused on maintaining your weight, yes staying in shape still, but I think it’s about weight the most. I know you are stressed from the wedding planning, work, and life in general, but you do not need to deal with this anxiety in an unhealthy way.
    Exercise because you love the muscles you build, the mental break it provides, the feeling after of a great workout. Not the amount of calories you are burning so you can eat more. Like I said I so understand this and together, we can beat these irrational, obsessive, negative and terrible thoughts that are constantly with us, trying to take over us.

    Reply
  11. So glad you posted this Holly and came to this realization. Our bodies are pretty amazing that they can tell us when we are going overboard in any given area..there are signs, signals, billboards! But we have to be willing to listen and/or see them to make the change.

    You’re lovely the way you are and your health is most important!

    Reply
  12. I completely agree with you on the whole, once you have the disorder, it’s there forever, mindset. I can relate completely. The best thing is that we are now aware of it – it’s okay to have the mindset as long as you maintain that awareness and take the steps to keep yourself healthy. Stay healthy, Holly!

    Reply
  13. I don’t think I’ve dealt with over exercising and I’ve never been anorexic but my counselor says that I have eating disorder thoughts. Which basically equates to that battle you have going on inside your head, I have that. I don’t always act on it but I think about the calories in everything I eat, I struggle with getting on the scale, and feel guilty in an obsessive sort of way when I don’t exercise or when I over indulge. So my way of being healthy is trying to say No! to those thoughts and Be Positive! I’m learning to enjoy food without thinking about the calories and loving exercise for the great way it makes me feel! Can’t wait to follow your marathon training if you decide to do one since I’ll be in that same boat pretty soon! and thank you for sharing, it is awesome that you are able to make that commitment to truly being healthy:)

    Reply
    • I’m glad you understand what I’m going through. It’s just we are so tough on ourselves sometimes! I know- my brain thinks the same way- the amount of calories in EVERYTHING. It’s almost ridiculous..I have so much brain space wasted on knowing the calories that are in like pretty much every food.
      Can’t wait to see how your marathon training goes too ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  14. Anne

     /  April 21, 2011

    Holly, you’re amazing! I’m so glad you’ve realized this. you’re doing your body good ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  15. Aww! I loved this open and honest post! I feel like I have a somewhat addictive personality – where I latch onto something (it could really be just about anything) and don’t let go of it easily. I’m been crazy workout girl in the past with the two a day killer workouts (that was pre-wedding), crazy tanning bed girl (I know!), crazy overeating girl, crazy never eating girl, and a combination of everything in between! My body HATED me for what I was doing to it. I started having all kinds of stomach issues around this time too – they couldn’t figure out what was going on. All they could come up with was a wheat intolerance. Amazingly enough…when I stopped stressing myself out so much and relaxed – both with workouts and just with life in general – my stomach issues and migraines became much much MUCH better. Not gone completely, but night and day from where I was at back in the day!

    Great job of being openly reflective enough with yourself to realize what’s going on! I think it will just take a conscious effort over time to recognize what’s triggering you to feel certain ways at certain times and coming up with a new healthy way of dealing with it! Enjoy this time before your wedding!!! My best memories from the time before mine were the days and evening spent with family getting ready – not my afternoons and evenings spent in the gym. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  16. I think the hardest part is being honest and real with yourself, ya know? We want to think that we are INVINCIBLE! And that we are going to be leaner, stronger, etc. Our bodies know what it needs, we just have to listen. easier said than done. You are a great encouragement for us all. Thanks Holly!

    Reply
  17. Hi Holly!
    Thank you for sharing this. Overexercising and under-eating is such a problem, and most people get deluded into thinking it is “for health”. Kudos to your for acknowledging this and posting about it. I am sure you helped a lot of people who are working themselves to death. They don’t see the consequences- bone loss, loss of density, muscle wasting, eating your brain for energy, exhaustion, hormone and enzyme impairment, no focus/concentration, fuzzy thinking, depression etc. You are a gorgeous girl, and I hope you know that it has nothing to do with the number on the scale, the size of your dress etc. I am sure this post wasn’t the easiest to write. Wishing you a beautiful week! xoxoxo
    Barbara

    Reply
  18. Thank you for putting this out there and talking about it! I am glad you are putting your foot down and taking accountability to stop the 2 a days. It is a very vulnerable thing to put your struggles on your blog (I have, too) and let me just say that it will make you stronger! Good for you. Also, HIIT twice a day?! WOMAN. “They” (whoever they are) say to keep it to 3 times a week because it is so intense. Give yourself a rest, I know you know what is best for you ๐Ÿ™‚ I love you, Holly!

    Reply
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